Here’s the thing. Us girls spend many years changing and growing, moving from one group to another and identifying more with some at different stages because we like to hang out with those who are similar to us. Our personalities change over time, and we will go through phases where our friendships are just plain stressful. We hang in there because we feel that we have to, and in some cases even change our personalities to suit the group, because we feel like we’re not good enough as we are.
This world is made up of people of all shapes and sizes. That’s whats so awesome about it. There will always be people who like you and people who don’t. Not being liked doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means you don’t see eye to eye on many things, and that’s okay. Problems start when people expect others to be who they want them to be, instead of wishing them well, going about their lives and minding their own business. This is where conflict and bullying starts, and where the damage is done.
What is a Frenemy?
A frenemy is someone who appears to be your friend but behaves as if they’re your enemy. They never seem truly happy for you when things go well, they constantly compete with you and they seem to be happiest when you’re unhappy.
How do I know if someone is a frenemy?
Sometimes a frenemy isn’t so obvious. But to put it very simply, if you don’t look forward to seeing them, if they make you feel bad about yourself, or if you think they”re putting you down but its not obvious because they’re smiling through the side eye. A true friendship should be satisfying, comforting, and work both ways. Frenemies fill you with stress, anxiety and paranoia, and they are never there when you need someone to lean on. Your gut tells you not to trust them, and your gut is usually onto something.
Dealing with a frenemy: Should I confront them?
Its always worth considering taking someone aside for a chat, telling them you feel hurt and asking if you can start again without throwing accusations or name calling. Sometimes that will work. Again, listen to your gut. It might be worth just making a decision yourself that their behaviour is probably down to their own insecurities, and deciding not to take it personally. Focus your time, energy and efforts on people who genuinely care for you and love you for who you are.
I just can’t cut a frenemy out of my life: What do I do?
You can’t control other peoples behaviours, you can only take control of your own. Focus on being the type of friend that you want others to be. Approach everyone with positivity and good vibes. Its contagious, we promise, and before you know it you’ll have turned her frown upside down. Stop expecting people to be different to what they are, or you will be constantly disappointed. It is what it is. And its usually nothing to do with you.
I have more than one frenemy: Am I the problem?
Someone smart once said, “show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future”. If your friends don’t make you feel good, act nicely, and be yourself, maybe you need some new ones. You don’t have to make a big song and dance, and have a showdown like a diva. Start looking for other people to be with, take up a new hobby, join a club. You can slowly start distancing yourself and if they weren’t really friends, they won’t even notice.
Remember, theres a difference between just not being compatible as friends, and full on bullying. If you’re not sure, talk to someone, you’re never alone x