You’ve been friends since pre-school. Your parents get on. She’s like family. You have matching friendship bracelets. She’s your bestie for life. Or is she?
There are unfortunately a few types of friends that you really don’t need. A quick way to check if a friend is a good one is to ask yourself one question: do they make you feel good? If not, it’s time to reassess how much time you spend with them…
Sometimes though, friendships just run their course. Especially friends that we made when we were babies because, over time, you develop into very different people, and it’s just not like it used to be. When this happens, it’s not necessarily someone’s fault, and it doesn’t make either of you bad people. It just is what it is.
Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour. True friends are like stars, you don’t always see them but they are always there. – Habeeb Akande
Sometimes, you just need the signs to look out for. So here are 15 signs that your friend might not be a real true friend, and that maybe, it’s time to let go…..
1. They only call when they want something.
Friendships go both ways, and you should be getting as much as you give. If you feel like you’re always giving, and never receiving, think twice about where your energy is going and why.
2. The conversation is never equal.
Do you feel like every conversation is about them and their drama? When was the last time she asked how you are and what you need? If you can’t remember, it’s really not good enough.
3. They put you down or make fun of you in front of others.
This is a deal-breaker. Usually, people do this because of their own insecurities. It’s a distraction from what they feel they lack. This is unacceptable from anyone, but especially from a friend who should have your back.
4. You feel bad about yourself when you’ve spent time with them.
Sometimes it’s difficult to analyse behaviour, but your emotions never lie. Friends should make you feel good, empowered and uplifted. If you feel like crap after you hang out, then you should probably re-evaluate the friendship. Some people, unfortunately, just like to bring others down.
5. They are aggressively competitive.
We’re not talking about Pictionary, a little competition is okay. But if they always want to have one up on you, will they genuinely be happy for you when you triumph? A friendship based on competitive behaviour is NEVER healthy or a true friendship.
6. They aren’t happy for you when good things happen.
This is one of the most common tell-tale signs and it’s also based on competitive behaviour. A true friend will want to see you succeed and be happy.
7. They bring bucketloads of drama.
It’s usually those who complain about drama the most that cause the drama in the first place. Not everything has to be complicated.
8. They b***h about you behind your back.
This is a hard no. Friendships are based on respect, trust and love. End of story.
9. Your relationship feels like there are conditions attached.
This one applies to every relationship in life. You shouldn’t feel like you have to act a certain way to keep it intact.
10. They bail on you.
Once is fine. Twice is pushing it. Any more than that and it’s your turn to bail, permanently.
11. They use your secrets against you.
Emotional blackmail. Nope.
12. They are a bad influence and you seem to always get in trouble around them.
Nip this in the bud before you end up getting yourself into trouble. You know right from wrong. If you’re doing things you know you shouldn’t just to keep ‘in’ with someone, you’re on the wrong path pal.
13. They talk about their other friends behind their back.
If they do this, the chances are, they do it to you too. We all have a moan from time to time, but friends don’t focus on the negative in each other.
14. They bail when you need them the most.
A friend will pick up the phone at 3 am when you are having a meltdown, and stay on the phone until you both fall asleep. Yes, that’s a lot to ask of anyone, but that’s why true friends are rare and special.
15. They exclude you from things with mutual friends.
This is just outright rude. If it’s on purpose and repetitive, maybe talk it out, and give them a chance to explain themself.
How to break up….
Let’s be grown-up about this, sit them down and talk about it, tell them how you feel. If you love them, tell them so, and tell them you genuinely don’t want to lose them. If this doesn’t work, just let the friendship fade away over time. No need for a showdown.
People come and go from your life. People change and don’t forget, you change too. A friend for life is a rare and wonderful thing. So don’t waste your energy trying to hang onto a friendship that’s just not working anymore.
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