“Ships are safer in the harbour but that is not why they are made”
We were not put on this earth to lose weight. To be smaller or quieter or to take up less room than we are supposed to. It’s a scary thought. That there is another, dangerously free life out there. A life where you can be any weight and you are loved by yourself and you feel beautiful and you are happy. I understand how terrifying that is to imagine. Because all of our life we are told to stay in the harbour. To “control” our bodies by not letting it eat as much as it wants to.
We are told that skinny is beautiful and bigger is certainly not better, bigger is failing. My 2020 wish for you, is that you have the courage to say F*%K OFF to every diet, every insecurity, every instagram post that tries to tell you that in January, you need to change, you need to be better. Trust me, the last thing you need to do is change. Don’t listen to the people who tell you how you need to “work” for your food. Simply by being born you deserve to eat as much as you like, no strings attached.
Don’t listen to the stories of people who lost loads of weight and then magically got rich, good fashion sense, married and now live in Hawaii with their pet unicorn all because they lost weight. It’s nonsense, honestly.
The most miserable time in my life was when I was at my lowest weight. I fell out with my best friend and it was never the same again, I fought with my parents constantly, I flunked tests, I stopped making jokes because I didn’t have the energy to think of any or even to laugh. I stopped writing poetry (one of my greatest passions), I didn’t even have the motivation to go for a walk, to get out of the house and clear my head. I would simply sit in my room and obsess over everything I had eaten. Not quite the fun weight loss story you’re used to hearing huh?
And then one day, I decided that I’d had enough, I’d lost too much already, done enough damage. I started eating properly. And I’m not going to lie, it was scary at first. I was so worried that my life would get even worse once I put on weight.
I need not have stressed because my life got so so much better! I made fantastic new friends who I spend hours laughing with over the silliest things, I got closer with my parents than I could have managed. I started writing again and I even took up yoga! I started waking up every morning looking forward to all of the delicious food I was going to eat, the memories I was going to make and the outfits I used to be too scared to wear because they showed my belly or non-existent thigh gap that I was going to look so good in!
So don’t you dare spend your 2020 eating salads that taste like garbage or doing exercise that makes you feel horrible. I promise you, you will not be happier for it. Leave the harbour. It’s scary but think of all the sleepovers with friends where you can eat ALL the chocolate and laugh until it hurts. Think of the nerve wracking first dates you can go on where you can order the messy pasta and laugh about it. Think of the delicious birthday cake, the McDonalds, the take away and Greys Anatomy binge with your mam on a Sunday night. These are the moments that make life worth living.
You are a ship. A vessel of love. You are so strong and you are able to get through storms, through tough times. No one has ever looked at a ship and thought hmm if only it was a bit thinner. You look at a ship and think how beautiful it is, you think of adventure and freedom. The same can be said for you!
My 2020 wish for you is that you allow yourself to live guilt and shame free. You take a risk and leave the harbour of detox smoothies and DISGUSTING apple cider vinegar. Sure, it might be safer there where you can muddle along in a blur of January blues.
But why not give loving yourself a go?
Why not giving yourself a break?
Why don’t you allow yourself live a beautiful, wild and precious life where your weight is the very last thing on your mind.
You are more than a number on a scales or a calorie count.
I hope that in 2020, you realise that.