I knew myself I wasn’t happy, we always know even when its buried deep within us. I just had nothing to be sad over, you know? On paper everything looks good in your life, but this is often when we ignore ourselves the most- when we don’t really know what’s wrong. I started 2018 with such a positive attitude, this would be my year! And it was, just not in the way I expected. We, thankfully, hear a lot more about how important our mental health is and how to deal with it. I knew all this because I had dealt with depression and anxiety before, it was never a secret, I was never ashamed, but I still didn’t talk about it much. The feelings I was having this time weren’t familiar, I couldn’t recognise them, so I buried them for as long as I could until enough was enough. I was giving myself stress migraines at the thoughts of going to work. My job wasn’t a stressful one, yet I was vomiting at the thoughts of going in. I was irritable, negative about everything and angry over nothing. This wasn’t me, and so I finally admitted to myself I wasn’t okay.
Honestly the month that followed that day was a blur. I quit my job and I decided to go to therapy. Both of those things were extremely difficult for me to do, but I had so many people supporting me through it. So, from October 2018 until December 2018 I took time for myself. A few things had happened in that time, my migraines decreased significantly, I was sleeping through the night for the first time in months and I was happier. Talking to a therapist can be scary and I’ll admit it took me a while to settle in, but I can now say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. My mind feels clearer and I’m a much better person to be around.
Something else that really helped me was meditation and mindfulness. I began taking time out every day or week to reflect and be present. There’s a lot to be said about just taking a few deep breathes! There were moments, and still are, where I’d panic about quitting my job right before Christmas, I’d freak out about what other people must be saying about me. But honestly none of that matters, what matters is being happy. Dealing with your feelings can be overwhelming but it’s important to listen to what YOU are saying to yourself, be kind and be honest.
I am heading into 2019 about to turn 25, unemployed, and the happiest I’ve felt in months. I am thankful for all the help and support I had from the important people in my life, without them I wouldn’t have been able to give myself this time off. I can say with confidence that 2019 really will be my year!