Ah love, what a dose. When its good its good, and when its bad it sucks.
Bess Myerson said that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” We’ve all been there Bess, keep the faith.
If you’re currently nursing a broken heart, we know how much you want the pain to stop, and we also know that you can’t just turn off your feelings. Love doesn’t go away because you want it to, these things take time.
Heartache is a form of grief, and grief has stages that you might recognise:
- Denial: They didn’t really mean what they said, they’ll come back.
- Anger: How dare he? Imma slash his tyres!
- Bargaining: Maybe if I was prettier, taller, smarter, he/she would love me…
- Depression: I will NEVER go on another date again. Life sucks!
- Acceptance: Okay, thats it, I’m done thinking about this, pass my lippy…
Here are our top tips to get through this crappy time and move on:
- Unfollow: Do it now, immediately, stop scrolling through their feeds agonising over who liked their posts and looking for signs of a new girl. We see you! STOPPIT!
- Stop blaming yourself: People are attracted to different things at different times. You weren’t compatible. But all the reasons why he/she weren’t into you might be the things that the next person adores. You don’t need to change your looks or personality. Have faith in yourself.
- Learn. Eckhart Tolle says, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” In other words, each relationship is a learning experience, and you will get better at it with time. Maybe you need to communicate better, or maybe you need to trust your gut when the warning signs show. Don’t make the same mistakes again, make new ones!
- Pamper yourself: If you want to eat a tub of Phish Food, knock yourself out! Listen to Adele on repeat while you’re at it. But put a time limit on it,and then go for a walk, listen to a Ted Talk or go out with your friends and try to do something that makes you feel positive.
- Don’t look for revenge: As Nelson Mandela said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.” Yes, they may deserve it, but that doesn’t make it right or helpful. Let it go.
- Talk. Don’t keep it all bottled up as it’ll intensify in your mind. Cry it all out to someone you love and trust. That’s what besties are for!
- Don’t lower your standards: This one didn’t work, and that sucks, but, cliched as it sounds, there is someone our there for you. As Mark Twain said, “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” Save all your love and energy for someone who deserves the best of you.
“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…” — Nicholas Sparks