We hear the words ‘empathy‘ and ‘sympathy‘ a lot in conversations, but they are often used interchangeably and sometimes incorrectly. So, what’s the difference between empathy and sympathy?
Sympathy vs. Empathy: A Simple Explanation
Sympathy = I get ya, boo.
Empathy = I feel ya, boo.
Sympathy means you can see that someone is struggling, and you acknowledge their pain, but you don’t truly understand it. On the other hand, empathy involves a genuine understanding of what someone is going through, allowing you to share in their pain.
Why Empathy Matters
To illustrate this point, check out this really cute video by Brené Brown, where she beautifully describes the nuances of empathy and sympathy.
We all want to be more empathetic. However, unless you’ve had the same experience as someone else, it’s hard to fully grasp what they’re feeling. For example, if your friend is heartbroken, you won’t understand their pain if you’ve never spent a night ugly crying while mainlining Ben & Jerry’s. Similarly, if your brother is slide-tackled during a county final and breaks his leg, you won’t truly comprehend the injury unless you invite that same brute to replicate his moves on you.
How to Show Empathy
So, how can you ensure that you’re showing empathy effectively? Here are some practical tips:
- Listen Actively:
The first step to understanding someone’s feelings is to listen to them. Give them your full attention and make it clear that you care. - Ask Open-Ended Questions:
Encourage them to express their feelings. Ask them to share what they’re experiencing and relate it to a similar pain you may have felt. (But remember, don’t make it about you!) - Focus on Feelings:
Don’t dwell on the cause of their feelings; instead, focus on the emotions themselves. If someone says they’re sad, that’s what’s hurting them right now. Acknowledge that sadness.
What Not to Say
What’s the worst thing you can do? Under no circumstances is it ever okay to say “At least.” Here are some examples:
- “I didn’t get the points I wanted in the Leaving Cert.”
At least you can repeat and try again! - “He dumped me via text.”
At least he didn’t ghost you completely! - “My mom and dad are breaking up.”
At least you have a mom and dad. - “I had an anxiety attack at school today.”
That’s nothing; my friend had three last week!
The Disconnect of Sympathy
Pity and sympathy create a disconnect between people because you’re essentially watching someone suffer from a place of comfort. It’s like throwing money at a homeless person while avoiding eye contact. In contrast, empathy fosters a deeper connection—like sitting with that homeless person for five minutes and genuinely hearing their story.
So the next time a friend is upset, grab the ice cream and dig in. Welcome to true friendship! Remember, understanding and sharing in someone’s pain can make all the difference.
