I can bet my life on it, that there is not a girl or woman alive who hasn’t had thoughts (or several thoughts) of feeling ‘not enough’ – whether not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, sexy enough, funny enough etc. We’ve all been there, but the question is, is it necessary to feel this way?
The obvious answer is ‘no’, it is not necessary to feel this way. It completely goes against us to think so little of ourselves & compare ourselves to others. From a higher perspective, we were all created by creation (be that God, the Universe, Source Energy, Divine Intelligence or whatever word you choose to use), and creation makes no mistakes. We were all made to be ourselves, and not to be a carbon copy of someone else. In fact, when we try to be like someone else, we often ‘fall short’ (according to our own view) because everyone is made individually.
The truth is we can never be exactly like someone else, no matter how hard we try because we all have our own unique energy, vibe & way of expressing ourselves. There is no one better (or worse) than anyone else, no matter what we think. Science even confirms that over 90% of what we think and do are learnt behaviours. They are picked up from others – be it family, friends, society, culture, education, religion etc. So it’s no wonder that on some level we feel ‘not enough’ as we’re not even thinking our own thoughts, for the most part, we’re just repeating the thoughts, beliefs & behaviours of others.
But let’s look at it from another angle. Let’s say (for argument’s sake) it is necessary to feel feelings of ‘not being enough’ in some way, shape or form. Where can that lead us?
Well firstly it can lead us down a dark, unpleasant path of being over-critical of ourselves, hard on ourselves, always finding fault with ourselves, repressing our emotions, hiding or isolating ourselves, maybe feeling like a ‘fake’ or an imposter in our lives, depression and so much more. I’m sure anyone reading this can see that none of these things sound pleasant, but yet we so often experience many of these things, all as a result of going against ourselves & not believing were ‘enough’ in some way.
But you know, all emotions are valid. So say we do choose this path, what could we take from it?
- We could take our self-criticism, and allow it to be an invitation for us to be more compassionate towards ourselves.
- We could take everything that we believe is ‘wrong’ about us, and use it as a cue to also create a list of what is ‘right’ about us.
- We could use our fear of speaking up, as a clue that there is something on our heart that needs to be expressed and say it anyway.
- We could use our desire to hide, as an opportunity to just be who we are, without the added expectations & pressure.
- And we could use our feelings of depression or suppression, to invite us to crack open to life. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
So there is no right or wrong way to realise that you are enough. The truth is, you are always enough, exactly as you are, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. And you don’t have to do anything to prove your enough-ness, you just are. You were born to be you in this lifetime. The more comfortable you feel being you, the more ‘practice’ you put into being yourself (facing your fears, honouring your truth, removing any limiting beliefs etc), the more you will feel confident and the less other people’s opinions will affect you. Like everything, it is a practice.
But there is learning in all paths, sometimes we take the easy path, sometimes we take the longer route. Life is a spiral, not a straight line. But what we may forget sometimes, is that the path we choose is our choice. We get to choose our path. No matter what anyone else chooses, we get to choose our path. We are not powerless, we can make a new choice, think a new thought, make a new decision, create a new belief etc, whenever we want.
So if you are feeling ready to choose yourself & to know your true worth & enough-ness, I invite you to make a note of all the negative things that you say to yourself? Write them down, and then after each one, ask the question, is this ultimately true?
If they are not ultimately true (and none of them ever are!), write a new thought or belief that makes you feel better? Repeat these to yourself going forward.
A big thanks to Karen for her gorgeous article. We love when people in our community reach out to us with a piece they would like to share with our readers. If you have a story you would like to share with us, pop us over an email at firstname.lastname@example.org