Who is the love of your life?

We hear so much about romantic love, as in the one with all the kissing, but while boyfriends and girlfriends come and go there is no deeper and more encompassing love than that we have for our friends.

When friendships end, it is devastating.

But yet, we don’t talk about it, or know how to deal with it, and that’s why friend break ups are so often handled so badly.

We rely on our friends for everything, talking us out of a crisis, helping us pick our outfits, keeping a seat on the bus, helping us to compose snarky texts and always having a spare tampon. They are there for us in a way that no romantic partner or parent can be, because they know every part of who we are.

Sometimes we grow apart over time, and realise that our lives are going in different directions. Sometimes we have a massive blow out, and say and do really hurtful things. Other friends get dragged into it, and take sides (not always ours), our parents ask 100 questions about why they’re not coming round anymore and we have to come to terms with the fact that we’ll probably never get our favourite hoodie back.

So how do you put yourself back together?

Maybe start by writing a good bye letter. You’ll never send it, but it doesn’t matter. Just write how you really feel to get it out of your head. Its very therapeutic.

Reflect on the part you played? Could you have done anything differently? If you didn’t behave in the best way, forgive yourself, and try better next time.

Stop putting all your energy into the friendship you lost, look to those who have been quietly supportive all along. Don’t assume that everyone is against you, there are loads of lovely people in the world who would love to have you as a friend.

And finally, don’t assume that someone else’s behaviour is about you. We all get stressed out, and the teenage years are tough. We all make mistakes and do things we regret. Don’t close the door completely. It may not feel fixable now, but in time? You never know. …

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