Whitney Larkins, one of our American readers, submitted this lovely post. Thanks girl x
You see, I’m an American black woman whose skin color is about the same as a brown cardboard box. But for me, my “number one” metal wasn’t gold, it was bronze. Well, to be clear, when it comes to my choice of makeup I always looked for the perfect bronzer to match my skin. Lightly dusting a bit of bronzer on my face gave me an undeniable glow. I felt like a million dollars. I was radiant. Until one fateful evening while out on a date with someone who was trying hard to be my boyfriend. Or was he trying hard?
Now, I’m not exactly sure what cosmic shift in outer space made things change in this situation so rapidly but this same guy went from showering me with persistent flattery to suddenly unleashing very underhanded insults. This didn’t happen overnight. It was like a slow drip from a leaky pipe. A few drops eventually at first and then suddenly a busted pipe with a raging flood next!
So one night we were waiting for the subway train. It was particularly hot and humid. I felt myself sweating and immediately reached for my bronzer to take a look in the mirror and try to quickly apply any makeup that may have turned into an epic disaster due to the brutal humidity. My curly hair was losing the fight with the humidity but I was determined to not let the bronzer fade away in a pool of sweat on my forehead!
Then suddenly, without any hesitation this dude said, “You’re putting on bronzer? You DO know you’re black, right?” He said this to insult me and to suggest that black girls can’t wear bronzer like the white girls.
Have you ever been so angry that you were left without the right words? Without the right witty and sarcastic comeback that could cut to the core of someone’s existence? How could a guy be so obsessed with wanting to be around me yet say these insults and try to make me feel bad about myself? Why did he want to have me around just to insult me?
I paused for a moment and then put the bronzer away in my bag and wondered how this guy could possibly have my best interest at heart. He clearly didn’t. I was fed up, I told him it was my God-given right to wear whatever makeup I wanted. It wasn’t long after conversation that I cut him off completely and deleted his number from my phone.
I never once told him I thought he was too short. I never once told him that I had dated men more attractive than him. No, I was trying to look beyond the surface and dig deep into his core to see what I could find.
Insults and flattery cannot exist in the same sentence. Love cannot exist with hate. We cannot let fear make decisions for us. Why are women and girls afraid of expecting the best? Have you ever seen gold that hasn’t been refined? It’s not always shiny, it’s not always easy to find but with time, effort and energy it becomes radiant. That is precisely what makes it worthwhile.
Are you valuable? Are you a precious metal? Then act like it! Stop allowing others to drain your confidence. If someone doesn’t like you and insults you then show them the door and don’t look back. Women and girls need to remember that we must demand that our suitors dig deeper to find our true selves. Treat your life as your planet Earth. The best of your life isn’t just what we see at the surface. It is what is buried deep within that makes you valuable. Things that have value are hard earned!
Have fat thighs? Grey hair? Short legs? So what. Where is your treasure? Is it on the surface or deeper inside? Do these things make you feel less than perfect? Forget it! The right man knows that all that is gold doesn’t always glitter.