Model, actress, and now author, Cara Delevingne has always been honest and open about her struggles with depression. Earlier this month, she shared more of her story with the online magazine “Net-A- Porter”, saying that she always felt there was “just something dark within me”.
Mental health does not discriminate, and we can have the world at our feet and still find out mind going to dark places at times. And when you are the girl who has everything, it can be hard for your friends an family to understand. Cara said her loved ones would say “but you’re so lucky”.
“I’d be like, ‘I know, trust me, I know. I know I’m the luckiest girl in the world, I understand all of these things, and I wish I could appreciate it. There is just something dark within me I cannot seem to shake.’”
Cara struggles with her looks growing up, and says that she hated looking like a boy. At 15 she had a breakdown, and said that she just “didn’t want to be alive anymore”. She also struggled to fit in, saying“Teenagers can be very, very cruel. I wasn’t into the same things that all my popular friends were. I was a very late developer. I didn’t have boobs or start my period till very late. And that whole thing of being called frigid, and being flat-chested… I felt alienated and alone, because I was like: ‘What’s wrong with me?’”
She added: “I turned my anger on to myself. Instead of using (my) sword and shield (to protect myself), I just put my shield up and stabbed myself.”
Having taken the time to care for herself, and now taking an active role in her recovery, Cara now feels that she can “be happy” and make plans for the future: “I want to have a farm, live on a beach… I want kids – I know I’m going to have kids. I can’t wait (to have) that love. Those are the boxes I want to tick… I haven’t set times, they’re just dreams.”